The workout video for chocolate lovers with a penchant for pink flouro shorts

As promised, here's the link to my workout video:

This video will change the way you work out forever!

Actually, if it's a movie clip filmed on an Olympus digital camera and uploaded onto You Tube, is it actually a "Video"?

A free plug for Cadbury Dream and my pink flouro shorts

All my life I've been skinny. I've had knobbly knees, bony hips and a double A cup - until now. I still have knobbly knees but middle age has unkindly altered my body shape. Now I don't know about you, but I've never been one to commit to a regular work out. However, since I can now "pinch an inch" (and more!) I thought I should don my pink flouro shorts and give it a go.

Whose body IS this?

 It didn't last. Here's why:

I didn't know we even had a rowing machine but it's something Beloved came home with on one of his many outings to "collect junk and bring it home to clutter our environment". He got it for free apparently. As you can tell from the look on my face, I can see why.  So I moved onto the next piece of apparatus:

The elliptical trainer resides in Zeeb's bedroom. A dedicated regime has given her the body of a Greek goddess - like the one I used to have.  Something that I was unable to earn within 2 minutes of prolonged agony. I opted to explore other options.

 I thought hula hoops were meant to be easy. It's my 7 year old daughter's toy for goodness sake! Perhaps it was time to consider training without equipment. That's right, the dreaded...*foreboding music please*...SIT UPS!

Promising start...

The PAIN!

Oh God...no. Have mercy! It hurts so much!

 I think that's enough exercise for one day, don't you? There's only so many scary photos I can subject you to in a single blog. So I decided to veg out and recover.  I was reclining in Beloved's chair watching "Maggie's Garden Show" when I had a hankering for some of that Cadbury Dream white chocolate that Beloved had stashed in his drawer. And that's when I DISCOVERED HOW TO DO A SIT UP WITHOUT HURTING MYSELF!!!! I am a GENIUS!
CHECK - ME - OUT:

It's so EASY! The recliner chair actually does the sit ups FOR you! I should totally patent this! And do you know else I discovered? I can snack and watch telly and "work out" simultaneously!

Remember back in the day when the leotard-clad Jane Fonda did her own workout video? Well I think I might slap that smug self-satisfied smirk off her face and create my own "Easy Workouts For Lazy Middle-Aged Women Who Like To Wear Pink Flouro Shorts And Leg Warmers". Catchy title, eh? Watch out for it on You Tube!

Don't give up your day job

I may have mentioned once or twice that my friend R and I are athletes in training. Once a week we head off for a brisk walk around the local streets of South Auckland and then once a week we head off to Denny's for our carb intake of banana splits. This afternoon we worked the pavement around R's "hood" (apologies for the abbreviation but I'm from South Auckland and we're just gangtsa like that). Something I've  learned about R is that she has an abysmal sense of direction. This was evident today when we realised that we were passing the same hibiscus bush repeatedly. The autumn sun was fading fast, R's feet were throbbing (not mine of course because I'm the more sporty one) and we had completely forgotten our way home.

I disagree. If you go walking with R, one of these gadgets would come in handy :-p

Eventually we found our way to the main road. We were relieved but sore (all right, I'll admit that I was a teensy bit tired after walking around and around that hibiscus). As luck would have it, we spotted a certain courier van belonging to R's husband. Since it was dark by now, he was clearly visible in one of the shops so we thought we'd pop in and say hello. Actually, we were desperately hoping that he'd insist on driving us home because he's such a gentleman, but once we snuck up on him I instead found myself challenging him to beat us back. Although I did concede that if he should happen to see us on the street, we might allow him to pick us up. Probably not one of my better plans.

We got as far as the street corner before deciding to stop and wait for a ride from our handsome knight in the shining van. That seemed like a good idea at the time. But I hadn't counted on R not being able to recognise her husband's headlights in the dark so I found myself enthusiastically flagging every diesel vehicle headed down the main road of Papatoetoe.  Umm...anyone familiar with the main road of Papatoetoe? It hadn't occurred to me until we started to get a few filthy stares but let's just say...it wasn't a good look for two middle aged ladies to be soliciting vehicles to stop and pick us up.

A couple of "Old Tarts"

I'm not sure if I'm more offended that people might have thought that we were soliciting on a street corner, or that nobody stopped. Am I losing my appeal? Surely things haven't sagged that much? Maybe it was the trainers that we wore instead of thigh high boots.  Anyway, we did get lucky eventually because D spotted us and pulled over. Told you he's a gentleman - although I can't be certain that the rest of Papatoetoe thought that at the time...

Ahh well. Banana splits tomorrow night.

Dramatization of completely different situation.