Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Why do you never see an old mermaid?

C asked me a question yesterday: "Mum, how come there aren't any granny-mermaids?". She's six years old and has been asking a lot of questions lately. It can make for some confusing conversations but this one got me thinking. She's right you know, there AREN'T any granny-mermaids. There are old-fella-mermen - I think King Neptune is one of them - but the females are all young...and hot. The girls all have long, shiny hair, slim figures, and are scantily clad. Come to think of it, they can't be all that hot living in sea water conditions with nothing but a piece of seaweed to cover their girly bits. And...ummm...speaking of girly bits...
Well clearly I'm not the ONLY one who's wondered!

So I've been thinking about this and put in some extensive research. In other words, I googled "mermaids" for about 20seconds, got bored then decided to come up with my own theories on the matter.

Firstly, does anyone else think it's dodgy that there's one old-guy merman (Neptune) surrounded by all those fit young fishy models, both male and female? A little reminiscent of Poppa Smurf if you ask me, but don't get me started on that one.

And what do you suppose is happening to all the girls once they reach...ooh I dunno...25 years old? Actually, it must be a younger age than that because I haven't seen any pictures of mermaids wearing supportive bras so I'd imagine gravity would start taking action even sooner. Or would it? What exactly ARE the laws of gravity underwater? Anyway, if you ask me, those merguys are up to something and it's not looking good for the girls. Maybe it's like that episode of Star Trek TNG I saw once where everyone of a certain age had a big party and then were sent off to the Great Beyond the next day. Or maybe it's something a little more sinister...
Those merguys are SELLING the mermaids to rugged fishermen who, after working out that they can't actually have their wicked way with the poor girls (refer to cartoon above) are selling them to fishmongers! You know what this means? The sequel to Disney's "The Little Mermaid" is a HORROR STORY!
Oh...wait, she fell in love and became human, right? So she got to cook for her prince, clean his underpants (which would have been an entirely foreign concept to her), darn his socks...then one day she woke up and found that she had cellulite on her thighs...I stand my ground. It's still a horror story. I haven't the heart to break it to C.
Just had another thought: As I came out of the shower tonight and slathered myself in anti-wrinkling lotions and potions I decided that soaking in salt water 24/7 would wreak havoc on the skin. Think about it...


  1. I think I'm gonna have nightmares about that last photo.

  2. Oh dear...the last photo was a self portrait! ;-p
    Who said mermaids have to be pretty ALL the time?

    Incidentally, someone has suggested to me that mermaids die in childbirth, which makes sense. Only I think someone's going to have to explain the mermaid facts of life to me (would that be called the fish and the anemones?) because I still can't work out how they'd get in the family way to begin with.