Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Bras, boots and sundry items

I want one of these!

There are lots of surprises for me at the end of the day and I’m sure I’m not the only woman to experience this. No, this has nothing to do with my Beloved’s affections. It’s because I use my bra as a pocket. In fact, this is about the only advantage I can think of in having a double A cup - there’s loads of room to put things. I’m such an optimist; I can even delight in the added benefit of wearing boots and socks on a cold day. I can tuck a complete pencil case down my left calf if I have to.  In my job, I need to conceal key items on my person for any crisis situation that may pop up. I prefer to carry things discreetly because I’m so stylie and bulgy pockets just aren’t a chic look.

Often when I enter a classroom, I’m pestered for pens, pencils, rulers and erasers. I’ve come to the conclusion that if kids can’t organise a pen to write with on a daily basis by the time they reach 13 years or older, it’s up to them to sort it out and not me. I refuse to be their personal stationery shop so I keep my own goodies well hidden in easily accessible underwear. I’m not completely without a heart though. Heaven forbid that I should stand in the way of a student and their education, which is why I keep the “Coloured Pencil of Shame” in my sock. Somehow a kid is usually able to miraculously locate a ballpoint when given the option of using a blunt purple pencil scented with a touch of toe jam. I ask no questions about whose lunch they traded to acquire it. Sometimes ignorance really bliss.

Generally, by the time I drive out the school gates in the afternoon, I’ve forgotten about my secret stash and quite happily go about the rest of my day without giving it a second thought. Then before you know it it’s time for my pjs and eye mask (and hopefully one day, a nose warmer) and sundry articles fall off my person and onto the floor. Ahhhhh, so THAT’S where I put that pencil sharpener!

On a good day there can be quite a haul of goodies in my bra and boots. I’ll leave it up to you to decide what goes where because I’m not telling. The bounty might include any, some or all of the following:
Cell phone
Eftpos card (occasionally accompanied by my Fly Buys and Foodtown One Card)
Red pen
Blue pen
Pencil sharpener
Whiteboard marker (in case any kids are naughty for a Reliever and I need to write their names on the board. I have no plan after that but it seems to scare the heck out of some of them)
Stickers (in case any kids are good for a Reliever and I can give them a little treat at the end of the period so that all the naughty kids can see it and not get one)
Hand sanitizer
Hair tie
Fake hair to put over the hair tie (hey, that’s my secret!)

I reckon if I keep this up, I might be able to do away with my handbag and lunch box one day.


  1. Personally I try not to stuff things in my bra - lumpy & uncomfortable! However it is annoying the way they make most female pants without pockets! (thereby conspiring with the handbag industry) That's my excuse for spending my casual hours in jeans. I can stuff a phone, comb, credit card, EFTPOS, $20, driver's license,car keys, tissue, shopping list & pen in the 2 front pockets.

  2. You should just make a bra purse! http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf29444183.tip.html LOLOL!!

    Oh and a word about sticking money in your bra or boots.. I'm an evil banker and we HATE that! It gets all sweaty and nasty and then we have to TOUCH it. Eeeewwwwwww!!!!!! And if you think about it, the $20 you have tucked near your precious ta-tas could have some man's ball sweat on them because he stashed his cash in his tighty-whities! SICK!!!!

  3. And PS, You'll notice the bra purse has a tassel on it because I know how much you like bras and tassels! ;)

  4. OH MY LORD!!!! :-O Money in the tighty whites!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!