I hate shopping with Beloved. And I hate Sylvia Park Shopping Centre. As much as I love Beloved, there are valid reasons why I find shopping with him so detestable - some of them mentioned here in an earlier post. No man should take a woman shopping and then vanish into all the blokey-type shops before melting into the crowd, leaving her waiting outside some random electronic store. The same courtesy doesn't extend to him waiting outside Bras 'n' things for me! What I hate about Sylvia Park is that it is a long passage of shops that extends under a motorway bridge with bright lights making me feel like I'm in an over sized interrogation unit.
As you can imagine, the combination of shopping with Beloved at Sylvia Park Shopping centre is nothing short of a nightmare. Most of the outing is wasted with me texting to find out where he is and if he still has C with him. Trouble is, Beloved likes popping into shops and he likes Sylvia Park. Zeeb works in a the children's clothing store there and Beloved is under some delusion that she might like it if we pop into her shop to surprise her. Ummm...yeah...that sounds like quite the family outing. We'll just hide behind the clothing racks and then jump out and say..."SURPRISE!!!"
|Only we're not quite as good-looking as these people|
|OH MY GOSH! I am so SURPRISED!!!|
I don't know how he talked me into it but last weekend Beloved conned me into shopping with him at this Hell Hole once again. It didn't go well. We hadn't had lunch. I was hungry. C was bored. It was hot. I was carrying new pillows wrapped in plastic and my arms were sticky. And he'd disappeared again. When he finally surfaced he had armloads of junk food and lollies. I was unamused (the man is recovering from a near fatal blood clot, has high cholesterol and is overweight). My limits had been reached.
"That's it! I'm catching the train home. You can feed C and bring her home when you're finally ready!" and with that I dramatically stalked off towards the nearest exit. Yeah, that really showed HIM!
There was a flaw in my plan. Sylvia Park is so flippin' big that I have no idea where the train station is. So I switched to Plan B:
I would find where our van was parked, drop my sticky pillows in the front and then hide in the back seat until Beloved came and took Charlie home. Then I would wait until they got into the house before slipping out and sneaking in the back door, and pretending that I'd been home for an hour or so before they arrived. I know, I can tell you're impressed. Sometimes my thought processes are nothing short of stunning!
|Dramatization: Not actually me hiding in our actual van.|
Without my knowledge, Beloved and C had followed me to the van. Without my knowledge, and certainly without my consent, they had been stalking me!
It's very difficult to look cool and in control when you're caught sneaking into your own van. "Ummm...I was just...errrm....putting my shopping in the van so I don't have to carry it home. Ummm...RIGHT then...I'll just be heading off to the train station now and you can carry on with what you're doing...What's that? Oh, you're heading home now? Oh...errr...well...I might as well come with you now then. But I WAS only dropping my shopping off..." it's not like I was going to hide in the back seat or anything.
Still, I think I made my point!