Wouldn't trade my job for anything...YET!

A while back the NZ Police had an recruiting campaign, urging potential applicants to Get Better Work Stories . I have to say, I was tempted. As you all know, I have a penchant for dressing up and the idea of a police uniform in my closet is a huge draw card for me. But with cats, a dog, chickens, children and Beloved to consider I ended up getting a job at a high school instead. It's great. Every day is different. I work with a fabulous team and there's always something exciting going on.

I love my job. At least, that's what I kept telling myself in Technology class yesterday. We have a particularly "feisty" (for want of a word that I can't print here) class of Year 9 kids that just can't seem to leave all those lovely power tools alone. A request was made for Teacher Aide support so Smiley and I tossed a coin. When it wasn't going my way, I suggested the best of three. When Lady Luck smiled I felt guilty. So Smiley and I ended up going to the class together. When I had to stop a kid from shoving a large, pointy object up another kid's nether regions, I began to wonder if the Police Force might have been easier. Both Smiley and I needed a strong cup of tea and quite possibly a lie down after that little session.

So today I was blessed with another riotous group for Art class. Actually, it wasn't too bad today. Three of the boys had been stood down so it was just minor pandemonium as opposed to chaotic anarchy. Apart from a couple of boys (who suggested I should make a vocational change to Exotic Dancing - not sure whether they meant it as an insult or a compliment), things were going pretty well and some good work was beginning to happen. It even got quite peaceful when the boys who suggested the career change legged it out the fire exit.

The thing about an Art classroom is that there's a lot of interesting stuff about the room which to a bunch of hyped up kids, is overwhelmingly tantalizing. The teacher told them to leave the driftwood, the branches, the bone...they just wouldn't listen. Before long, two boys had shoved the bone over their heads. Just between you and me, it looked pretty good on them. Purpose-made. It even had eye holes and ear flaps. Just quietly, I was impressed. Even so, I spoke up:
"Boys! Put it down. Leave things alone!"
Naturally I was completely ignored. So it gave me extreme pleasure to give them a little anatomy lesson.
"Do you have any idea what you've been putting on your head?"
The teacher and I exchanged a knowing glance and tried (unsuccessfully) to stifle some giggles. After a few guesses, the kids were able to work out that the bone came from a big animal, most probably a cow. Clever kids.
"So...which PART of the cow do you think it is?"
I had to spell that bit out for them. but in case you're wondering, here's a clue:

 

Not sure if Carmen was meant for this either!

Heh heh...I LOOOOOOVE my job!

I would say it was just as well that the cow was dead at the time of head insertion. Otherwise, the poor bovine creature would have had the shock of its life.

Surprised (but disturbingly happy) cow

I told my friend R this story and she found it so "amoooosing" that she was "moooooooved" to tears. Come to think of it. It's probably not a good idea to surprise a cow at all (as illustrated in the following dramatization)...............

So, even on a bad day, I love my job. And if there's anybody out there who doesn't love their job, just remember that it could be worse. MUCH worse. Next time I have to rescue a kid from a chisel up the jaksy, I'll spare a thought for this guy:

We're DOING it!

Me and Smiley...we're doing it. We're making it happen! Instead of just floating around the school grounds looking cute, we're strutting about the place with black compendiums, looking efficient! Oh, and still cute of course.

We're making it all look so easy - on the surface. The reality is that once we get to our little office, there's a lot of arm flapping, rummaging through drawers and even the occasional naughty word (that would be Smiley because I would never dream of using a naughty word out loud)

I think it's the black compendiums giving us a sense of confidence.  They're left overs from a work conference Beloved went to in 2004 (although I'm not sure why he felt the need to come home with a box load). They look quite classy and have a pad, a pen and a calculator inside. I'm not sure what we're going to need to calculate on our way to the ladies' loos but if ever something crops up, we'll be ready.

So the boss asked me to get some "Overviews" ready. Errrmmm....not that I have the faintest idea what an Overview is, but I followed Marie's lead when she hissed at me to just nod my head while she dug her elbow into my ribs. Ahh, so that's what we're meant to do: Fake it.  It all looked so convincing until we got back to the little office where further arm flapping became necessary in completing the set task. Or...actually starting it.

I've learned how to make a table in Excel and fill it with pretty colours - just like Ant used to do. Smiley has learned how to bat her eyelids at the young computer technician when we can't get our program to do what it's meant to do (thereby making the computer technician do whatever she wants him to do) and that blue file mentioned here has actually come in useful. Heck, we've even interacted with students on the odd occasion! Individual Diagnostic Maths and Vocab Testing is even becoming fun. Smiley has the joyous role of "Probing" the little Year 9s. I love the look of terror on their faces when we mention latex gloves. I get to do the one on one Maths, which would be more fun if I knew all the answers. I'm just hoping I don't get a kid who knows more than me or I'll be in over my head. 

Yup, we're quite a team Smiley and me. We're on FIRE at the moment. We're blonde. We're cute. And we're still just a little confused.

Footnote: For anyone concerned about how close I am to the devastating Canterbury earthquake, Auckland is some distance away and we're safe here. However, everyone knows somebody in Christchurch. My daughter was there and has managed to get somewhere safe. Our prayers and thoughts are with those who are still waiting to hear what has happened to family and friends they haven't been able to locate.