False alarm

My 84 year old Mum was proudly showing me the new top she bought the other day.  Mum has a two bedroom unit and both rooms have wardrobes and tallboys bursting with clothes that she's bought over the years - each of them a bargain.  Mum never throws anything away. When I was 12 I counted her underpants...ummm...yes...I'm aware that might seem an odd thing for a 12 year old to do but it's now reasonably well-known that I have some degree of OCD.  I blame Jim Henson for creating Sesame Street. I grew up with The Count and his calculating ways.  Anyway, I counted about 53 pairs of underwear when I was 12 and I know that she hasn't parted with any of them since then so it must be quite a collection by now. I just wonder where she's storing it all.

Speaking of underpants, sometimes Mum "kindly" picks up a pair for me from the Asian Dollar stores around here and I'm afraid I just don't understand them. I can deal with them coming up to my armpits. That cuts down on the dreaded "VPL" that you get with tight skirts - although they do tend to create a wardrobe malfunction when I wear my hipster skinny jeans with them.  I can forgive the mistake of having them bought in the XL size when I'm only an S (really, I am!), but what I don't understand is the pockets. The knickers have pockets. Why? For what? Chewing gum? And how are you supposed to discreetly fish into your pockets when you have to dig deep into your undies?  Maybe it's time to cut the apron strings and buy my own lingerie.

Anyway, back to the flash new top that my mother bought the other day.  I have no idea how she's going to squeeze it into either of her already bulging wardrobes but I actually quite liked it.  It was a purple swingtop - not a colour I've seen Mum wear too often but I think it will suit her well.  But there was something about it...couldn't quite put my finger on it...until I picked up the label which clearly said: "Mum2Be"

"Ummm....Muuuuum...you're not in any trouble are you?"  I could tell that she knew exactly what I meant.
"It was on special".
"Errrrm....Mother...do we need to have a little talk?  Just how well HAVE you been getting along with the greengrocer lately?"

I'm the youngest in our family. I came along about a year before the pill became popular which I'm certain was a very pleasant shock...ummm..."surprise" for my parents...

...and I'm not about to be usurped as the spoiled baby!